The Rain Cries for Me
by Legacy of I
Summary: A single tear streaked down his cheek, holding all of his pain and regret... Edward fails to bond Al's soul to the armor, leaving him without any family. In a desperate attempt to fix his mistakes Ed embarks on a dark road to prefect human transmutation, to complete the formula and bring back his little brother. But will he lose what he already has to bring back what was lost?


Hello everyone! I got this idea a while ago and have finally put the pieces together, so I really do hope you enjoy! Please leave a review to let me know what you think, the feedback really keeps me going.

 ** _Summary_** : A single tear streaked down his cheek, holding all of his pain and regret... Edward fails to bond Al's soul to the armor, leaving him without any family. In a desperate attempt to fix his mistakes Ed embarks on a dark road to prefect human transmutation, to complete the formula and bring back his little brother. But will he lose what he already has to bring back what was lost?

 ** _Disclaimer:_** I do _not_ own Fullmetal alchemist or any of its characters… no matter how much I want to, or how I wish I could live alongside them and meet them! Or how- Eh, you get the idea.

 _ **A/N:**_ Hey! I updated chapter one, I got to reading it again and realized it lacked a little clarification (Which I fixed for you *Smiles*) so I hope it makes a bit more sense! Enjoy!

* * *

 ** _The Rain Cries for Me: A story by Legacy of I_**

* * *

Edward was walking through the damp and empty streets of Central; it had been a little over two years since he lost Al; making it about a whole year as a state alchemist. In that time he had searched for answers, but everything seemed to lead to a dead end. A heavy rainstorm had blown in, prompting the residents to lock themselves inside their homes. No cars or people were traveling down the dimly lit streets due to the storm and the fact that central cuts the street lights down by 50% during a rainstorm to save power. Thunder clapped and rolled in the gray clouds above him as lightning lit the sky. Ed looked up, letting the rain fall on his face, his hair already soaked. He kept walking, hands deep in his pockets, running his thumb over the design of the pocket watch that proved he was a state alchemist… a dog of the military. Was that all he was? A pathetic dog? Lightning lit the sky again, reminding him of transmuting; reminding him of his failures and mistakes, his pain and regret, and Al.

"Alphonse…"

Ed's voice was soft and brittle, pain and sorrow rising in his throat as he gave a few coughs to push down the tears. He had promised himself he wouldn't cry again until he could hug Al again… then he could cry tears of joy. Then and only then. His heart felt like it stopped beating the moment Al was gone, and when he could feel it; it wasn't a strong heartbeat. Instead it was weak and fragile as if it just wanted to die. It would pass; Ed would endure yet another season of grieving and guilt. It felt like they came at the worst times, and he had no way to stop it, whether he liked it or not, Ed always ended up remembering and regretting. It was his curse and his blessing.

Regardless, when the time passed and he could refocus on the task at hand; the heartbeat in his ribs strengthened as if it too remembered why he went on living, why he does what he does. Pride was never an issue for Edward, in fact he couldn't be more down on himself. Sure he got enraged when someone called him small, but even that felt like he deserved it.

The rain picked up into a hard downpour as Edward kept on walking. He had nowhere to go, no destination. He was just going where his legs took him. The red coat he wore was sticking to his black clothes, making him shiver and think about just leaving it in the street. He knew he was hard on himself, and a small part of him believe what Winry and Granny said.

 _"_ _Edward, you want to live, you know that. This isn't your fault, Al knew the risks as much as you did, regardless of whether you should have done it or not."_

 _Ed pounded the table, his face red from crying. "It IS my entire fault! I pushed to do it, I got Al killed! Now I don't have anyone!"_

 _Ed stared hard into Pinako's eyes, his glare drilling a hole in the back of her skull. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Winry peeking her head around the doorway, her eyes tearing up at his remark._

 _"_ _Winry I-," She took off weeping before he could say anything more. He was making her cry, even back then._

 _"_ _You know she cares a lot about you Edward…"_

 _Ed didn't reply. For some reason he could push everyone away, he didn't deserve their help. But her, it broke his heart to see her like that even though he would never admit it to anyone. For some reason he understood the fact that she hurt because of him, that she was helping to shoulder the pain. But why was he still a complete jerk?_

 _"_ _I know…"_

 _She was the one thing that could melt his heart, and that still held true to this day…_

Ed gave a very faint smile at the thought of her; she was still the one thing that cheered him up.

"I'll be back home soon Granny… Winry… But I need to do this; I need to pursue this…"

His heartbeat began to strengthen as a ray of hope shone through his soul. The rain began to let up, his face still pointing skyward. Ed didn't know why, but talking to himself somehow helped work it out, helped pass the grieving moments.

"Yeah…"

A man came jogging down the street wearing a royal blue uniform that was trimmed with gold.

"Fullmetal Alchemist?" He yelled out in recognition. Ed paused and turned around to greet the man.

"Yeah?"

The soldier came to a stop to catch his breath, the clapping thunder drowning out their conversation.

"Colonel Mustang has requested you at his office, sir." The soldier giving a right handed salute.

Ed gave a nod, somehow not surprised. "Ok, thank you…" Ed stumbled, fishing for a name.

"Sergeant Kain Fuery!"

Ed nodded. "Thank You…"

He began to walk down the street, but something in him made him stop… maybe it was his heart, or his influence from Winry, he wasn't quite sure.

"Would um… Would you like to walk with me?"

Kain gave a smile and thanked Edward for the company. It was good not to be alone and Edward, deep down, knew that too.

* * *

(Two Years ago)

Edward Elric sat in the corner of the Rockbell's house, alone and in the dark. He was in a wheelchair, unable to move because of his missing limbs; his right arm and left leg. All the boy could do was stare at the floor, his unruly bangs covering the despair on his face. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. But then why couldn't he stop playing the events over and over again? Where did he go wrong? Why wasn't this life enough for him? Why did he convince himself and his brother to willingly pursue what was forbidden? Now all he could do was think of that night, think about the last time he ever saw his little brothers face; being broken down in front of him like a nightmare from hell.

 _"_ _Okay, we've gotten the basic ingredients for an adult body, along with the transmutation circle and the correct runes… I think we're ready."_

 _Ed and Al took their place at the circle and laid their hands at its edge. With a glance of hope they began the transmutation…_

 _"_ _Here goes!"_

 _The lighting and light flashed all around them, their eyes fixed upon what would become their mother's body; hope arising in their hearts. But as the transmutation continued it was evident that something was wrong._

 _"_ _Huh?"_

 _"_ _Big brother! Something is wrong!"_

 _With a horrified look Al began to scream as his arm was being broken down and tore apart._

 _"_ _B-brother!"_

 _Ed looked over and saw Al's arm, and in and instant he knew what was happening; even if it took him a second to spit it out._

 _"_ _I-it's a rebound!" shouted Edward as he snapped his head to his left leg, noticing that it too was being taken._

 _Al's arm wasn't the only thing being broken down, it was everywhere. His whole body was disappearing._ _All he could do was look to his big brother and hold out a hand._

 _"_ _Ed! Help me! Ed! Please!" tears streamed down his cheek._

 _Edward reached for his little brother, his only family. Black long hands were now swarming Al's body, ripping it to shreds, the same ones also tearing away his leg._ _As they forced their way to each other, Ed managed to look into Al's eyes and saw more than fear._ _In his brother's eyes lay layers of thoughts that were instantly crossing his mind; the chief of them being regret._ _Before their fingers could connect, Al's arm was gone, dissipating along with the rest of his body. All Ed could do was stare in horror as his leg vanished too._

 _"_ _AL!"_

A single tear streaked down his cheek, holding all of his pain and regret. Ed lifted his head to notice Pinako and Winry standing in front of his with a bowl of stew.

"It's ok to cry Ed."

Winry nodded along, her words failing as her emotions arose in her chest. She had known them since forever, and now Al was gone and Ed was left like this. It sounded silly, but she felt like he was grieving _for_ him, and that he'll need her to for a while.

"I know…" replied Ed as he wiped the tear away. "But one tear is all I'll cry until I can get my little brother back…"

 _Ed found himself back in the room where they attempted human transmutation; he still had a headache from all the knowledge that he learned in the gate. With his cheeks still tear stained he looked up and saw the abomination that they had created._ _It wasn't their mom._

 _"_ _W-what the hell is that thing!? This isn't right, this isn't what we wanted! Al, it's all my fault…"_

 _Ed grasped the side of his head in agony, his head was pounding and he felt lightheaded from the loss of blood. The monstrosity before him gave a few wheezes and huffs of breaths before collapsing and dying._

 _"_ _Why!"_

 _Ed pounded the floor, inevitably knocking down one of his father's suits of armor. He looked at it for a moment, remembering how his father had left them and their mom._ _How he was really the one to blame for all this, for Al._ _Al… Al…_

 _"_ _That's it!" Edward began pulling himself towards the armor, pain searing through every nerve. His leg dragged blood along the floor, every little bit making him feel more and more dizzy._ _With a wince and a shout of pain, Ed pulled himself to the collar of the armor and began drawing a blood rune that he learned from the gate._

 _"_ _I don't care what the toll is! Take my other leg, or my arm, take both of them!" Ed finished the rune and placed his hands at the edge._ _"_ _You can even have my heart… Just give him back! He's the only family I have!"_

 _The lightning and light began to appear, but Edward had lost too much blood. He tried desperately to cling onto consciousness but his body gave out. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he fell over the suit of armor, stopping the transmutation and causing a rebound that took his right arm. He had failed. He was moments away from binding Al's soul, but his body gave out leaving him to lie amongst the creature of hell and all the blood._

Winry and Pinako continued to stand as they watched Ed slowly drink the stew. When they had found him, it was like a nightmare come true… especially when Al was nowhere to be found. Pinako was no alchemist, but listening to the boy's father was enough for her to pick up that Al was lost in "Equivalent Exchange." Now all that was left was Ed, broken and beaten. Sure he says he'll get his brother back, but she can't help the feeling that Ed was just denying the fact that Al was gone forever.

"Thank you Granny… and Winry." Ed placed the bowl on the floor next to his wheelchair, the spoon clacking around inside.

Winry bent over to pick it up and walked it back to the kitchen.

"I'll get him back…"

Pinako shook her head and gave a frown. "Edward, Al's gone and you can't change that. You two made a mistake and you paid the price for it, this is what happens when you mess with forbidden things. You need to rest and recover."

Ed looked up in denial. His eyes were sharp and fierce, anger was the only barrier to pain and stubborn will was the only remedy to guilt.

"I will get him back! I saw it! Our formula wasn't flawed, just incomplete! If I can just find out what we were missing I-,"

"Do you even hear yourself!? You and your brother tried it and it got him killed and now you're a cripple! And you think doing it again will fix this? You're a fool Edward for doing it once; don't sacrifice the soul you still have left to do it again!"

Pinako gave a deep sigh before turning to help Winry with the dishes.

"You still have people who care about you…"

Ed sat with wide eyes and a trembling mouth. His fists were lock tight and his body shook from anger, disappointment, regret, and pain. He had to fix this. But with a heavy sigh his body went limp and his anger gave way to sorrow. Maybe Granny was right, alchemy did this to them, why use it again? Maybe he could learn to live the life he had left, and one day, maybe, maybe, forgive himself for what happened. But the thought of a life without Al swelled up inside of him and provoked more tears. Why couldn't he have been content? Why was he so arrogant and naive to what they were really doing, _especially_ after teacher warned them? Now he was alone, both in body and spirit, no matter how many people told him they loved him…

* * *

(Roy Meets Edward)

"I apologize for the bumpy ride, but here in the country side automobiles are rare indeed."

"That's alright; this has its own charm." Riza gave a small smile and looked to the man in front of her. "Are you alright Colonel?"

Mustang looked up from the paper he was reading, every bump amplified on the wooden cart that they rode in.

"Yeah, I'm just curious to meet the Elric's. It says here they are exceptional alchemists."

The man driving the cart looked back over his shoulder. "Scouting for new state alchemists are you?"

Mustang nodded and flipped to the next page. "Finding and recruiting talented alchemists is part of my job. To be honest, with all the losses we've taken in the civil war we need all the recruits we can get."

The man chuckled and flicked the horse reigns. "I can't wait to see those kid's faces when they see such a high ranking officer standing at their door."

Mustang looked up from his paper and frowned. "Did you say kids?"

"The Elric brothers? Why yes, Edward is eleven and his brother is a year younger… but why don't you meet them before making your judgment."

Mustang shook his head and looked to Riza. "I hope this isn't a waste of time…"

Riza smiled and looked around. "Well Colonel, if anything at least you got to see the country and smell the fresh air."

Roy smiled and leaned on his hand. "Yeah, too bad they don't have a more comfortable ride."

He and Riza chuckled a little bit; the country really did make a person feel more chipper.

"So how much longer?" Roy asked.

"Just up this hill."

Edward was still in his wheel chair, he hadn't moved for several days. Winry and Pinako began getting worried that he had given up on living. All he did was sit.

"Hey Edward…" Winry began. "Do you want me to wheel you outside for some fresh air?"

No reply…

"Well, I could at least open a window?"

No reply…

"At least answer me!" she cried. Ed looked up with a glare that spoke more than words. Winry stared into them for a moment before breaking down and crying. That's all he was good for anymore, making people cry, right? All he did was induce pain.

Presently a pounding came at the door. A few seconds passed before it was heard again, this time louder and harder than before.

"I'm coming, you're going to break the damn door…" griped Pinako as she took off her apron and made her way to the door.

"What is it?"

She opened the door to find military officers barging in unannounced.

"Where are the Elric brothers!" demanded Roy.

"What is this all about?" She shot back.

Roy pushed her aside as soon as he spotted Ed, stomping over to grab the boy by his shirt.

"I've been to your house, what the hell did you do!?"

Ed stayed there, limp in Mustang's grasp, almost embracing death. His soft and beaten eyes stared into the Colonel's before he dropped his head.

"Kill me…" he whispered.

Roy dropped the boy and took a step backward, his face full of shock.

"What did you say?" he pried.

Ed looked up and furled his brow. "Kill me! I don't want to live anymore!"

Ed's voice echoed through the house, leaving a long lasting silence amongst everyone. Finally, Roy stepped forward. "Where is your brother?"

Ed shook tears from his eyes, his brother? Was he in heaven, or hell? Was he lost in that void that Ed had been in? Or was his soul forever gone?

"He's gone…" Ed said in a hoarse voice, the yelling and lack of liquids taking a toll on his voice.

Roy talked to Pinako and asked if he could speak with Ed. After she agreed they wheeled him to the kitchen table, Pinako sitting next to Ed and Mustang facing the both of them. Riza and Winry sat outside as they discussed the matters at hand.

"All of the government's best facilities and research staff will be at his disposal along with full funding for all of his research; this is just _some_ of the benefits of joining the military. Of course, in exchange he must pledge his loyalty to the military and obey orders… But he'll have the ability to conduct research that would be impossible for a civilian to do."

Ed and Pinako sat silent as Roy finished his sales pitch. She didn't want Ed to join, to become a dog of the military and to live his life devoted to the very thing that destroyed him. She knew if he went down that path, he would be walking to his own demise.

"You think I can even get my license?"

Roy grinned and looked at the boy. "If you can comprehend human transmutation at this age, I'd say you already have a distinct advantage over the rest of the competition."

Ed balled his fists. "Why would I pursue the very thing that ruined me and killed my brother?"

Roy shrugged his shoulders. "Because that may be the only way to get him back."

Ed's eyes grew wide. Did a high ranking officer just say that human transmutation, if preformed correctly, could bring his brother back? He thought that it was forbidden to even talk about it, let alone encourage a potential recruit. But what if he was right, what if he could find a way to complete the formula and bring him and his mother back? Did this Colonel know something he didn't?

"And if I do?"

Roy leaned over the table and placed his head in his hands. "Then like I said, you'll be funded to research and have access to things that are unavailable to the public, classified stuff."

Ed looked to Pinako for support or denial, but the look in her eye told him that he had to make the decision on his own.

"Here, this is the paper work, come to East headquarters if you decided to apply."

Roy handed him the papers and got up, leaving the room without another word. He beckoned Riza to follow as they left the Rockbell house.

"Sir," she spoke as soon as they got in the wagon. "Do you think he'll come?"

Mustang smiled as the carriage began moving forward. "He'll come."

"You're very confident, judging by the look in that boy's eyes I'd say he's beyond help."

"You think so?" Smirked Roy

"I saw… eyes that were burning like fire."

* * *

(Present Day)

The rain continued to hammer away as Ed entered Roy Mustang's office. His clothes were dripping wet and his hair was a soggy mess.

"You wanted to see me?" He sloshed over to the chair in front of Roy's desk, leaving a trail of puddles.

"You know you should dry up a little before walking into a superior's office." Roy teased.

Edward just shrugged it off and folded one leg over his knee. "What did you want?"

Mustang finished scribbling down something on a piece of paper before putting down his quill and addressing the young alchemist.

"How's your research going?"

Ed didn't reply for a moment, thinking about what had happened over the last year.

"Well I'm no closer to completing the formula than a year ago, and even if I knew how there is still the law of equivalent exchange.

"I see…"

"I have to admit though, the state archives have helped open up several leads that I wouldn't have gotten on my own."

Roy nodded, looking deep into the mid of the young alchemist. What was he thinking, or rather hiding? He couldn't shake the feeling that one of the leads sparked something new, something more tangible. After all, Ed seemed happier today than he had all year long.

What was it?

"It seems that there is a bit of an uprising in one of the Ishvalan camps to the east, think you can quell it?"

Ed huffed and folded his arms. "Why? Can't you send one of your grunts to do the dirty work?

Roy shook his head and propped his head on folded hands. "You know Fullmetal, you signed up for this. As a state alchemist you must obey orders to maintain your license, remember?"

Ed winced at the memory of the discussion. He was right, he willingly signed up to be a dog of the military, now he must obey.

"Fine."

Ed got up to leave, but before he could Roy stopped him.

"You know-," Mustang stood up and stretched. "I heard that there is a certain Ishvalan in that camp that has ample knowledge of Alchemy…"

Ed's eyes grew large.

"Isn't that an oxymoron?

Roy couldn't help but to chuckle. "Something about a philosophers circle? First time I heard of it… Apparently it's a lost knowledge about a transmutation circle design that negates equivalent exchange."

Roy walked up next to Edward, both of them staring forward at the door.

"Thought you might find it useful… Fullmetal."

Roy waved and exited the room, leaving Ed with a subtle but noticeable grin.

"Is that so?"

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** Yes, you thought right! The Flashback of Ed when he was in the wheelchair _was_ chapter 23 of the manga. I just made adjustments to the dialogue to support the fact that Alphonse wasn't there. The reason I did so was because it was a _very_ important part of the story for you as the reader to see the difference of him being by himself. Again I'm sorry if it was a little like _"I've read this already, how is this new?"_ but from here on out everything will be completely new :)

I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
